Day 20: T is for Tourists

Spring Break in the DC area is officially over, but it also marks the onslaught of tourists to the area. Today’s Blogging A to Z Challenge letter is . . . yep you guessed it ‘T’.

10 Simple rules for tourists when visiting Washington, DC
  1. Do not under any circumstances travel on Metro between the hours of 7:00 am & 9:30 am or 4:30 pm & 6:30 pm. Why? It’s Rush Hour.

    This is Rush Hour. This is why Rule #1 is so important.

  2. If you so chose to violate Rule #1 don’t get mad at us when we don’t answer or snap at you when you’re on the Metro prior to 9:30 am. We are more than likely trying to prepare ourselves for the daily deluge of crap from our rat bastard co-workers.
  3. Oh how we all love to stroll. If you and your brood are strolling, taking up the entire sidewalk while violating Rule #1, please don’t look surprised when someone barrels through you and yells, “excuse me, I have to get to work!” I have heard people yell, “Get the fuck out the way!”
  4. Please know before you go because some Metro employees are not the most customer service oriented folks in the world and if you’re violating one particular Rule don’t expect much help from us either. Now which Rule am I referring to? If you said Rule #1 than give yourself a high five, fist bump, chest bump, booty bump.
  5. If by chance you are taking Metro, which is the subway, and violating Rule #1, save yourself from being cursed out and being pushed out of the way, please stay to right of the escalator. We do boogie up and down them at such paces that even thinking about now is making me out of breath.
  6. Do not under any circumstances come to a stop at the top or bottom of the escalator. Clear the escalator by keeping your feet moving. If you by chance do come to a complete halt at the top or bottom of the escalator be prepared to pushed or shoved out of the way and brace yourselves for any obscenities that may be thrown your way.
  7. While you’re riding in that tin can use inside voices at all times. No yelling across seats. If by chance you’re not sitting next to each other send a text message to convey whatever it is that you want. If you take a moment to notice the Metro is quite quiet, please obey. That way you won’t get the dagger stare.
  8. You will hear a Metro announcement similar to this. “Metro doors are not like elevator doors, please don’t try to hold them open.” They will close on you if you do and it will hurt and if a train has to be taken out of service, especially if you are travelling during Rule #1, I can pretty much guarantee that you will hear things that you never thought you’d ever hear
  9. Do not block the Metro doors, especially if you are in violation of Rule #1. You will get knocked out of the way from each and every person getting off the train on their way to work. Respectively, if when the train doors open and you’re getting on, but moving like you’ve got molasses up your ass you will be pushed into the train car.
  10. If you’re violating Rule #1 and you think we don’t give a shit, it’s probably because we don’t give a shit.
  11. Bonus Tip: We’re really not rude. However, when you converge on the city and travel during Rush Hour it brings out the worst in us, so please save yourselves hurt feelings by obeying these 10 simple rules
  12. Bonus Bonus Tip: Enjoy your visit!

4 thoughts on “Day 20: T is for Tourists

  1. As a resident of Northern VA, this is a great post. Really Great. Thanks for putting the rules out there for our visitors. I found your blog on the A to ZZ Challenge and enjoyed reading this post. As I move forward, I will be sure to come back outside of April.

    Like

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