This post was always going to be about Faith, but after reading The Artistic Christian‘s “E: Edgar Allan Poe and Universal Emotion, I got to thinking about my life’s trials and tribulations, my Christian walk, and my faith. In his post he says, “. . .when you remove faith from a person’s life, the result is the sort of raw terror and restlessness of spirit. . .”
I don’t know of any Christian that hasn’t at some point wrestled with his/her faith and asked, “Why God?” It’s a very valid question. There are things that happen in our lives or the lives of the people we love that we don’t understand and make us ask, “Why God?” Some folks say you shouldn’t question God and His will; but I think there are questions you must ask in order for you reach your destined and ordained path.
Growing up in the church and the daughter of a minister it came as a shock to me when I began to loose faith in my faith. There were lots of things going on my life at the time. I discovered I needed to have back surgery ASAP because there was a disc severing my spinal cord and if I didn’t I could become paralyzed. I wasn’t doing well in school, the relationship I was in was mentally and emotionally abusive, a minister in church lied on me to our pastor and the list goes on. Granted there are worse things that could happen to cause someone’s faith to start wavering, but I was young and inexperienced in life, so these things were pretty significant to me and they were all happening simultaneously. Or what seemed simultaneous.
I asked the question – “Why God?” and guess what no answer, but I knew there had to be one. Each time I asked and didn’t get a response I drifted a little farther away until one day someone said to me, ‘maybe you’re not asking the right question.’
This person told me that even though God knows what you want, He wants you to be specific when asking a question. Think about it if someone asked you, ‘Why Erica?’ You’re more than likely going to respond ‘Why what?’ She also told me to ask God to guide my footsteps to my destined and ordained path. And once I started to ask for answers to specific questions things were revealed and I felt my burden become lighter.
I didn’t realize that I was in an abusive relationship at the time and I was led to have a conversation with some random woman on the train, which started off as a simple complement, ‘I like your coat.’ Then it seemed as if the flood gates opened up for both of us. A relationship she had just gotten out of mirrored the one I was in. The only difference is hers turned violent. I remember sitting there and thinking this could be me if I don’t do something about it now. And that day was the end of the relationship and I forever know what the signs are. I had my back surgery and discovered that Electrical Engineering wasn’t for me, so I changed my major to English and Computer Science; and the minister that lied on me, well, he ended up having words with the pastor and left the church and the pastor came to the realization that he lied.
I’ve asked God to guide my footsteps and I pray that I’ve taken all the right turns He wants me take in order for me to ordained path. If not I’m pretty sure I’ll know about it soon enough, I have to make sure that I’m ready to adjust.
A few of my favorite Scriptures that help me get through when I feel my faith waining.
Matthew 17:20: “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (NIV)
The Prayer of Jabez
1 Chronicles 4:10 (NIV)
“Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
(New King James Version)